I get it every time I start contemplating new projects. Do you?
You see, its Korra. I desperately want to create this costume. I have exactly what I want in mind. I have almost all of the materials needed. And I am petrified that I'm going to screw it up.
I blame procrastination for a lot of things, but in many cases, the procrastination is just a mask for the fear that is causing me to quake in my boots. I look at a project, imagine the perfection of its completion in my mind, get sweaty palms and promptly put all the fabrics in a dark space that I don't have to look at so I won't be reminded that I'm not doing anything about it. I avoid the guilt of not doing it by putting it out of my mind.
Lately, I've been spending more time organising my life, which has resulted in the usage of several apps on my phone to remind me of things as I've the memory of a squirrel.
I really like the Any.do app. It allows me to write lists of things I want to get done, schedule when I will be reminded about it, and it sorts it all for me. On any given day, I try to clear my list, and if I forget, its there the next day to remind me. Having a number in the corner of that app on my phone causes me distress, so I'm pretty decent at following what it is I have written. Except when it comes to crafting.
And yet, despite having made it completely easy for myself, I just keep pushing the reminders back every time they come up. While its true that I dislike the chaos of bringing out my sewing machine in our tiny apartment (and how I envy those of you with your own sewing/crafting rooms), that is a weak excuse at best. Having watched almost both seasons of House of Cards in the last week, I can't really justify it by claiming to be busy. Nor can I say its because I'm not motivated- I think about it all the time and really want to get it finished.
No, its the Fear. Its the fear that what is in my head won't be matched up to what comes off my machine, out of my fingers.
I've known I was a perfectionist for a long time, but its only recently occurred to me that my procrastination, which knows no bounds, was linked. So, in an attempt to get this costume done for the MCM Dublin con in April, I am publicly saying here that I will work on this costume at least one day a week.
Fingers crossed it turns out like I want it to.